In the end it’s the tiny little things that matter for us and makes us feel understood and loved. All we ever want is to be understood I believe. When we’re not getting the response we’re looking for when we tell about our day, about that amazing trip we made or a tiny detail about some delicious food we’ve tried, slowly but surely we forget to share. When we don’t share our excitement with the ones we love, slowly but surely our passions wither away. Unknowingly.
All you need to do is to listen more to people around you, what are they really saying behind the stories and the words. There’s a long lost child’s perspective, and children get hurt for the tiniest littlest things. That we carry on throughout our adulthood without always knowing. Just be mindful. Listen. The connection will come naturally.
If you can’t show this sort of compassion to the ones around you, you’re not really paying attention to what’s really going on under the surface. What’s true. What really matters in the end.
I write to feel the emotions of the words that are flowing through my fingers. It’s a language I know how to speak, a way of communicating my emotions when my voice is not enough. The rough and deep down buried melancholy can be digged up, word by word, telling a story I cannot speak. Sometimes when writing the words are flowing almost automatically, as if my subconscious is trying to give me messages. Almost like meditation. Being connected to the deeper self is what drives my creativity and passion for writing. Connecting through written words is more important than spoken. Words don’t always need to be spoken to be understood. Telepathic communication is far more powerful and mystical. Sending out words into the universe and hoping for a response back. That gives me inspiration. Being a writer is never an easy task, always constant struggles of writer’s block and lack of motivation due to lack of inspiration. You just need to find what situations and moods inspire you the most and try to recreate them in different ways. Finding the moments where the flow of words are the the clearest. The connection between the universe and you is the strongest so you’re able to use your fantasy and creativity in the most interesting ways.
It’s been 2 ½ weeks since we came back from India this time around. The India fever has been running high ever since I came back home, been binge-watching Hindi films during these past few weeks to try to grasp for the last few straws of India that I had left in me from the trip. Why do I feel this way these days? Am I making up for all those years when I didn’t feel that I belonged neither here or there? Am I getting more sentimental with time, more than I already am? I don’t have an answer to all these questions, all I know is that writing has been my only saviour; it helps me cope with my complicated and scattered emotions about belonging.
I just started reading the book The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and have also watched the film by Mira Nair based on the same novel. That film hit a spot in my heart and I can’t help but to cry tears of recognition and melancholy. The pain and the suffering is too close to heart. Writing these words after watching the film, aren’t written without a tear in my eyes. At least they clean the vision and hopefully I can see clearly now what I have long wanted to see. Me and who I truly am. There’s never been a need to pretend but I didn’t realise that when I was younger. You don’t have to try to fit in when you know you don’t. Being unique is what is best.
Ever since the second day of visiting Mumbai in November, I knew that I had found my missing piece of inspiration. My long lost inspiration for writing my story, my book. I found it again, in the heart of Mumbai. I could see the waves coming into the shore and we were driving by the south side of Mumbai, feeling the breeze from the opened window. My hair was getting messy in the wind, but I didn’t mind at all, I felt at peace. I knew I had found my way back, to my core. I think that’s why I have had my “identity crisis” with the endless watching of Hindi films, trying to see if I can relate to any of it. I don’t feel the need to relate anymore, I already know what was missing all along. My acceptance.
I have an account at Good Reads where I update every now and then which books I'd like to read and which books I'm currently reading. I love that platform because you can review and find books so easily and share it with your friends. What I'm not as good at is to actually read the books I enter into my Good Reads account. Either I have to buy a bunch of books, which I do every now and then, but I also have to carry them in my purse to be able to read them on the metro or tram. I have come to the conclusion that it's not working out very well for me, this way of reading. I love books and I love that they give us insights into topics or stories we never have heard before. So I would like to read a lot more from my list of "to-read" books.
I came across a free try out subscription of an app via work, which we may use for 45 days to listen to audio books. When I was younger I had made up my mind that I am not an audio books kind of person, because I didn't think I had the focus or concentration for following someone else reading it aloud for me – I had imagined that I need to read along in the text to be able to understand whatever the person is saying. I can admit that to some extent it might still be a little true, but given the right situation, mindset and also believe it or not, headphones – I don't normally have a problem with that anymore. If I use more noise-cancelling headphones and I am not distraught with other thoughts or stressed over something, it can be pretty nice to have someone else read the story aloud for you while you're walking down the streets or passing through a lot of people in the metro. It gives me a whole new dimension to the otherwise pretty boring commute through the big city, I even get to learn something new on the way to work.
It all started with podcasts actually. I started listening to a Swedish podcast which deals with philosophical questions, called "Filosofiska Rummet", it's a very reflective talk-show with very interesting guests and questions that they're discussing and sometimes able to answer in their own way. I love walking down streets listening to philosophical debates and having my own thoughts lingering on while I hear their reasoning. Or the podcast from Darren Hayes (ex. Savage Garden) with his friend Anthony Armentano discussing and analysing films they've watched during the week. "We Paid to See this" it's called, a highly recommended podcast to listen to if you're interested in finding out about which films you really should go for and which ones you can safely stay away from without missing a thing.
A light-hearted comedic spoiler free movie podcast focusing on the week's new cinema releases. Darren Hayes and Anthony Armentano spend their hard earned (or borrowed) cash to see the latest film releases and tell you what they thought. Because they don't get in for free, their opinions are honest. Honestly! May contain funny bits (they're both Groundlings trained improvisers) and strange non sequiturs (Anthony has a degree in film and Darren has an Olympic medal in rambling). Maybe some naughty words too. – iTunes
These podcasts were the ones making me take the step to listening to audio books eventually.
I don't know what happened after my mid-twenties, but I have become much more thirsty for knowledge. Every day has to teach me new things, I crave new information more than I did back in school. It's strange that it just gradually became this hobby of wanting to know more about certain topics, I actually enjoy it and I'm glad for this new found interest. I'm going to become better at reflecting those thoughts on my platform here in this blog. Sometimes it feels much better to be able to share it in writing rather than walking around with thoughts that aren't complete. It seems as though when I write sometimes I get into a flow and the thoughts just finish themselves.
The amount of times I have listened to this song is crazy, but I can’t seem to get enough of it. The song is almost starting to be a part of describing one side of me, which is a very reflecting and meditative side. I have always loved peacefulness and meditation, this song encapsules all of it in beautiful lyrics and tune. It tells me to listen inwards and start listening to yourself, breathing an extra deep breathe each beat and relax. But it also brings forward so many emotions, they’re all in a swirl trying to find their way in my body – to calm down. I am a very hypersensitive person, which means that I get affected super easily by other people, energies, emotions etc. and it’s really difficult to turn that off. Therefore I feel that these moments when I can tune in and relax while listening to myself is necessary for me to find peace. Otherwise the emotions are beating louder and louder and it’s hard to function.
If there is one song I want to be remembered by, it’s this song. Secluded Spaces by VNV Nation. It tells an amazing story, if you listen carefully – to yourself. <3
What music defines your personality and your soul? What would you want others to remembers you by? What is the tune of your self?
When I go to the gym I’m not looking for talking to people while I’m exercising, I’m just there to listen to my upbeat music and do my workout. If I knew someone that worksout at the same place as me that would be a nice surprise and of course I’m not anti-social. But now to the issue… there are some guys that think pumping weights and staying there almost literally 24/7 would impress a girl. Think again, I don’t give a shit what you’re up to, I’m just there to have my own workout done and then leave. Looking someone up on Facebook afterwards and sending messages is just creepy as hell, and why would any guy do that and think he actually had a shot. I go into another state of mind when I’m exercising, totally focused on what I’m doing and just trying to let go of everything around me – that’s the way I like it. What surprises me is that someone makes such an effort of looking up my name online after being at the gym, that is just borderline stalker-ish. Not okay. Just saying…
I now know why they even at this particular gym, which is in Sweden (out of all countries) actually has a ladies-only room in case you want to be undisturbed. I get it now, it’s to avoid all these creepy guys. 😛 I’m not much for separating people depending on their sex, but if it’s going to be so hard for the guys to focus on their own exercise and not on my butt then I see why they created that ladies-room. There are sensitive girls out there that don’t want that type of attention and would feel disgusted by it. In my case, I can’t care less, do they want to stare – who am I to judge. 😉
I have a new fitness goal now, to be as fit as I’ve ever been in my life until summer 2013. It’s six months left and they will be filled with hard-core exercise almost every day. Some might say: “you don’t need to exercise, you’re so slim anyway…” I’ve heard it before but I won’t listen to those words again, it’s a trap. A trap towards slowly being one of those that sits at home and relaxes just a little bit too much and eats unhealthy food and no matter how slim I am today, that habit will become bad and my body will start becoming unhealthy from the inside. That is all that matters; the inside. Everyone needs to be a little bit active in their lives, even though “you don’t need to” like myself. I don’t want to be tired and lacking energy anymore, I’m through with that phase. I am from this moment embracing a healthy diet and healthy exercise to become what I really want to be – full of energy to do anything I want. It clears my head and mind and will probably cure my insomnia issues I’ve had for the last year or two – already becoming a bit better.
I have already one year at the gym behind me so getting into the habit shouldn’t be a problem, it’s all about having the motivation and inspiration to do this.
You can do this too, start writing about it or join a friend so it’s easier to maintain the new routine. But you just have to remember that when you get started it’s only you who can push yourself to the limits, no one else can do it for you. Get inspired by people’s blogs, videos and so on to find out what’s best for you to focus on. It might be just as little of a change as taking the stairs every day, or to take a walk instead of the bus a couple of stops or something similar. It makes a huge difference when you start moving and becoming more active. I intend to stick with this new routine because I love the way it makes me feel.
This year has been amazing. Year 2012. The first complete year I have worked at HP – at my first real job. It’s been a great journey and experience so far and it will continue into 2013.
I have travelled to some places in the world – as I try to do each year. This year I’ve been to beautiful Vienna, amazing Budapest and incredible India and I started year 2012 in Copenhagen. I wonder which adventures 2013 will take me on. Some places/countries on my list would be: Stockholm, South of Europe, South India (Mumbai, Goa, Kerala e.g.)… and the list goes on. Most of these journeys that are nearby Sweden would have to be done over weekends due to my job, but that’s okay. An extended weekend is always a nice way to get away from work and stress, a good way of relaxing (unless you plan to tourist around hectically for two days).
The trip to India was the most amazing thing during the year – something I’ve wanted to do since I last went there 10 years ago. I promise myself that it won’t be as seldom as every 10 years from now on. I really started to connect with my roots this time and I really believe that the more I go now that I’m an adult the more I will feel comfortable there. It’s hard to imagine the future when I might have to go without family and rely on my own judgement when it comes to India – it’s such a large country and so much to learn – it’s just mesmerising.
I have started my writing journey for real this year, I have made a lot of research for my book writing process and I have jotted down many ideas for it. Looking forward to 2013 when I will focus a lot on my writing and reading inspiring books.
I’ve met some inspiring people through work and that has made my job more fun in the office – it’s just too bad to see them go when projects end. That’s when I think about the fact that the world is so large and the friends feel further and further away from me – all spread out in the world. I suppose that’s when we all should be thankful for technology and IT – to be able to connect worldwide with people we want to stay in touch with. But still, it’s not the same as sitting opposite to someone and have a real conversation – that’s precious.
Happy new year, everyone! 🙂 Hope 2013 brings you a lot of joy, good health and insight. I intend to make it a great one!