Kimmi Madeline

Temporary Guests of my Life | Blog

Tag: reflecting

What am I escaping from?

I tend to ask myself that a lot after travelling somewhere. I’m currently in the flight back to Stockholm via Frankfurt. Flying and travelling always puts me in a state of reflection. Why do we travellers always have to have more journeys planned ahead when the last one isn’t even finished? I question whether I really am travelling because I want to explore and see the world, or if I’m escaping something. I would like the answer to be simple and clear and that I’m just looking to expand my horizons, by seeing more than just what I call my home. If we (travellers) really dig deep inside ourselves I believe there might be a reason for all the searching for answers. But I still don’t know the question. 

I wonder if it all comes back to soul searching activities. Everyone handles the questions differently and we all have different means to explore the answers. Some people are expressing it through art; whether it be painting, music or writing, they’re all good ways to expressing our inner core of emotions. The emotions that we don’t let anyone see or come near. My favourite way of unraveling my soul matters is to write. Writing poems, long complex outlines, blog posts and journals.

India Trip 2016: Mumbai/Bombay

Bombay. Mumbai. Whatever you’d like to call it, this great urban city of India that Bollywood calls its home. So much diversity and so many nationalities in the same city, living under the same rules – freedom. There’s a sense of freedom in India which cannot be found elsewhere, you can do as you please, come as you go and just mind your own business – there’s no problem. Anything is do-able in India. If you have plenty of time and patience. Don’t rush it and things will fall into place – eventually.

I will be travelling down to Bombay by air from North India, and it’s amazing how you only get to half of the country in 2½ hours with flight. It’s the same distance as Stockholm to London, it’s incredible how large this country is. When we get to Bombay (which is what I still call the city most of the times despite the name change back to Mumbai) we’re checking into a hotel near the airport to freshen up and get some rest. We’ll be doing some shopping in the city the first evening in Bombay and then just take it easy because of all the travelling. The next day is planned for sightseeing and local shopping, and hopefully to meet a dear friend of mine.

I want to capture and take in the whole experience of being in Bombay for the first time. Travelling with someone who’s never been to India is also very special, you get to show what you’ve been accustomed to since childhood and also see it through their eyes. How do they look at the surroundings? What do they think of the mad traffic and driving on the “other side”? What are their first impressions when coming out of the airport? The smell, the people and the rush. Either you love it or you dislike it, that’s what I believe. Either you’ll love India and it’s randomness and the need of being present all the time, or you’ll be fed up in no time if you haven’t got the patience. If you remain open throughout the whole experience you will probably love it.
What would you think when you see the huge gaps between the rich and the poor? How do you react to the people begging openly in the streets? This is the whole experience and not just go to the tourist places and turn back to Europe after the vacation is finished. When you’re here, you need to see the whole 360 of what India has to offer you. From the 5 star hotel restaurants to the roadside dhaba’s, from the fancy and exclusive shopping malls to the local crowded markets, from a private taxi to a rickshaw or a 3-wheeler. Then you’re able to judge it with real open eyes, without judgement and without fear.

Peace and Love,
Kimmi Madeline

Poem: Memories Broken

Fragments of images
Floating in my head
Were they real or were they false?
Moments lost and never found
Can we really ever tell
Broken memories from our dreams

Pieces of a puzzle
Missing pieces to be found
Digging for the answers
Shuffle pieces back together
Curing this amnesia
Memories have been found

In another dimension
We will meet again
Our pieces of the puzzle
Will find their way back
Passing on the memories
To the eternal side

Peace and Love,
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Not Buying Any Clothes…

I have for the past year not been buying any clothes at all. Not that I was a major shopaholic before, but I am slowly but surely going to run out of good clothes to wear. The ones I have are wearing out more and more and some are less appropriate to wear to work. You might wonder, what has happened? Why aren’t you buying any clothes? Is it for economic reasons or is it that you can’t find anything you like?
No, to all these questions.

I watched a documentary end of last year, called True Cost, and it affected me in so many ways I can’t describe. I already knew the situation was quite bad at factories that make the clothes for the large fast fashion chains but in some way I still wasn’t fully aware. I was at least hoping the situation had been under control since they brought up the issue in the news years ago, something must have changed since then I had imagined myself. I have never been a huge shopaholic in any way, so I am probably the least person anyone should be worried about, that supports this fast fashion industry. Before this strike from buying clothes, I used to buy twice every year when there were sales, either online or in store. Just to stack up on basic clothes and daily wear. I also bought gothic/alternative wear once a year from special shops or online from the UK.

While stopping to buy clothes it’s made me first of all aware of how much clothes wear out, and how quickly these fast fashion clothes become bad or not good looking. Recently I have become desperate in my boycotting that I had to go and buy some basic wear in organic cotton from a store I think I can trust more. I have asked shops questions about where the clothes are produced and how, I’ve become more interested in the industry and been spreading the message to friends and acquaintances over the year. Some of my friends have watched the show after I told them about it and become more aware and active about their clothing choices than ever before. But after one year, I am starting to question to myself, is the answer to boycott these fast fashion companies? Is the best thing to not buy from them ever again? Will my consumer vote impact any of the sales, especially since I wasn’t a huge shopper even before my strike? What are the answers? Do we sew our own clothes to avoid the evident problem in the world? Does not buying the clothes even help the workers who work for the production of the fast fashion clothes? Is the best choice to turn over to buying organic, sustainable clothes from more conscious brands?
I don’t really have the answers, but I want to create a debate and start the discussion and thoughts to flow.

Lately, I have formed new opinions about this topic. I believe we don’t need to stop all together with buying clothes from fast fashion brands, since they’re almost everywhere and it’s hard to get hold of something that has good production without doing hours of research. I do however believe we need to educate ourselves on this topic, and ask the brands for answers, demand better rights for the workers and better sustainable options for the clothes. We cannot just close our eyes on this matter when we have the utmost power to affect the situation as consumers.
When it comes to buying fast fashion, I think it’s better to not buy them so often and try to find options that are organic, sustainable and have a good production chain first and foremost. Try to limit those clothes to be only key, signature items and match them with a lot of basic clothes from brands that are already leading in sustainable and organic clothing.

We can’t save everyone and especially not the entire world, but we can do our part. The smallest action has also an impact in the long run.

Peace and Love,
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Always Follow Through

Work hard in silence, let success make the noise. – Frank Ocean

Quote: Work hard in silence, let success make the noise.

This is my motto these days. I have come to realise it’s sometimes better to keep quiet about all your plans than to blurt them out to everyone as soon as you thought of them. This has been a tough practice for me and it’s been difficult because I have done the opposite in so many areas and it’s still a daily struggle. I find that it’s better to wait for a while, let the thoughts remain yours and let them mature and then let people in your surroundings know when things are more clear and you have a good sense of direction. I have told people about my plans for writing a book, opening a café and my change of profession way too many times, in vain. Because they stop listening after a while. It’s now just become noise because you’ve been there before, you’ve said those words before. Let your actions speak for themselves instead. That’s what I’m working on these days, and that’s what is inspiring me the most.

– How is the business going?
– It’s going real well, I’m progressing and I enjoy the process.

That is it. That is all that will be coming through my mouth regarding my business during the coming months, until I feel I have reached a step in my goal, and I want to share it with the world. Until then, I will keep my eyes on the goal and not look back.

I don’t believe in regrets and I never have. I try to live in the present and plan some things ahead, but not too far into the future. I do however believe in reflecting over past mistakes, and past experiences, and I as a Piscean can many times get stuck in thoughts of the past. Not to dwell, but to figure out my way forward based on my past. My past is always teaching me a lot about my current situation and how I will go about to make the choices that I need to make in order to get to where I want to be.

Song for this blog post: Darren Hayes  – Where You Want to Be

 

Tearfulness.

I walk around with a lump in my throat, quite often, almost every day. No one really knows that it’s how I really feel. I have early on, in my childhood learned to suffocate my tears to such an extent that I no longer show my emotions in public. Or in front of anyone for that matter. I don’t think this behaviour is healthy for anyone.
When I was 18 years old and graduated high school I joined a singing class, a piano class and yoga & meditation class. I was craving for so much creative and mindful exercises, it was crazy. I was juggling 3 classes and working full time, no wonder I felt as though I didn’t have time for all. Out of the 3, the yoga came first and then the singing class and lastly piano class. I never had the enough time to study for the piano class, which I really wish I had. The yoga class was a full on 90 minutes session that ended with 20 min of mediation. My teacher had been practicing yoga for over 25 years and he was Norwegian living in Sweden. I loved that class, it truly made me whole at the time when things were up and down in my life. The mediation part of the class made me curious, and at times frustrated. I sometimes would get cramp in my toes from the yoga class and there I was sitting and trying my hardest not to focus on my cramping toes, when everyone in the room were lying still and focusing inwards. Other times I actually was thinking of all the different sounds in the class room that I never had thought of. It was so quiet and peaceful, nothing like anything I had experienced before.
And sometimes I would get so into the mediation and felt all my emotions that had been lying stuffed underneath my conscious, coming up to surface, and all that came out was tears. I felt sad for the sadness in my soul. It was a dark room and everyone had closed their eyes, including the instructor, so I was safe – no one could see my tears. It was and has been very important to me for some reason, to not show those emotions, I needed to be strong but yet I didn’t feel very strong.
I have always wondered if the repetitive behaviour of suffocating my tears have lead me to always be very close to my emotions, I am always hyper sensitive to other people emotions and I’m very empathetic to all living beings.
Classical music, beautiful melancholic lyrics, a powerful speech, people in need, animals that are mistreated or someone saying a compliment or something truly amazing – all these things, they bring me to tears. A lump in my throat. Every day of every year. No exaggeration. A lump of sadness just lying there waiting to be found.
I’ve lately been wondering how to overcome this? If mediation is the answer? I think there might not be a way to overcome it, only ways to be more used to it and be able to control it. Not to hold the tears inside, and not to let them hold me back. They’re just as important as any other feeling.

One Song to be Remembered by…

The amount of times I have listened to this song is crazy, but I can’t seem to get enough of it. The song is almost starting to be a part of describing one side of me, which is a very reflecting and meditative side. I have always loved peacefulness and meditation, this song encapsules all of it in beautiful lyrics and tune. It tells me to listen inwards and start listening to yourself, breathing an extra deep breathe each beat and relax. But it also brings forward so many emotions, they’re all in a swirl trying to find their way in my body – to calm down. I am a very hypersensitive person, which means that I get affected super easily by other people, energies, emotions etc. and it’s really difficult to turn that off. Therefore I feel that these moments when I can tune in and relax while listening to myself is necessary for me to find peace. Otherwise the emotions are beating louder and louder and it’s hard to function.

If there is one song I want to be remembered by, it’s this song. Secluded Spaces by VNV Nation. It tells an amazing story, if you listen carefully – to yourself. <3

What music defines your personality and your soul? What would you want others to remembers you by? What is the tune of your self?

 

Peace & Love,

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My Spoken Word Poems

I recently found my old blog where I used to upload all my poems since I was a teenager. It was such an amazing feeling to read through the poems and seeing when I had written them, and to see comments people had made when they appreciated the poem or if they found it touching. While I was reading through the poems I got this amazing idea, and that is to take some of them and read them aloud in my YouTube channel. Reading poems with some classical music in the background, just pure and raw.
I have so many ideas of how I can make it creative, I just hope I can get hold of a good editing tool for my videos so I can achieve my vision for them. Up until now all I have been using is the normal Microsoft Movie Maker that you usually have in your PC. It doesn’t do any advanced things other than put sound and music to your clips, and cutting the video into smaller chunks.

I will keep you guys posted on my first post of my Spoken Word poetry on YouTube. Meanwhile you can find all my poems on this link: http://dark2haze.blogspot.se/ 
I am working on a way to easily get them posted on this blog in another separate section so they’re more connected with my other content.

Peace and Love,
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Losing Innocence

When I get older, year by year, I am afraid that I am slowly but surely losing my innocence. The kind of innocence we all have when we just believe how things are always working out for the best. I am afraid at times that some sort of cynical or bitter side, would take over and take away my innocence. I find that it’s important to stay true and always remind ourselves how we have once felt, to be able to stay youthful in our minds. It’s not about being naive – it’s about thinking everything is possible and staying positive. Innocence is blissful. The feeling of having the world in your hands and not be afraid to take a step towards it each day. Not be afraid of everything that is coming directly from your heart. You need to stay in contact with your soul and your heart’s desire. That’s how you can keep your innocence in the most purest way.

Return to Innocence. Enigma.

Peace and Love,
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Airplane Music

I have always been a very reflective person who needs to slow down my everyday life to just think and meditate to be at peace. If I don’t get to have a moment to myself and have my space to reflect I feel uneasy and get anxiety very easily. It’s easy to just get caught in the daily chaos and forget to wind down and just take a deep breathe. I always get to remind myself of what is really important when I’m travelling or get a moment like that totally alone. Alone, yet surrounded by people all around me. Everyone in the same situation. So next time you’re travelling, plan ahead, find a special tune or song to listen to and just listen inwards. Take a deep breathe and just relax. Think about your blessings and count them. Think about the people you love and how much they mean to you. I like to daydream a lot (hello, I’m a Pisces) so I take the moment to think about nice memories or nice future memories that I’d like to come true. Thinking about how to achieve my dreams. All while having that special song in your headphones.
My airplane music is called Endless Skies by my favourite band in the whole world, VNV Nation.
That song is not a very typical representation of their sound, they’re more towards the industrial synth sound.

Let’s listen to this now, meditate and reflect on life:

 

What’s your airplane music?

Peace and Love,
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