In the end it’s the tiny little things that matter for us and makes us feel understood and loved. All we ever want is to be understood I believe. When we’re not getting the response we’re looking for when we tell about our day, about that amazing trip we made or a tiny detail about some delicious food we’ve tried, slowly but surely we forget to share. When we don’t share our excitement with the ones we love, slowly but surely our passions wither away. Unknowingly.
All you need to do is to listen more to people around you, what are they really saying behind the stories and the words. There’s a long lost child’s perspective, and children get hurt for the tiniest littlest things. That we carry on throughout our adulthood without always knowing. Just be mindful. Listen. The connection will come naturally.
If you can’t show this sort of compassion to the ones around you, you’re not really paying attention to what’s really going on under the surface. What’s true. What really matters in the end.
I write to feel the emotions of the words that are flowing through my fingers. It’s a language I know how to speak, a way of communicating my emotions when my voice is not enough. The rough and deep down buried melancholy can be digged up, word by word, telling a story I cannot speak. Sometimes when writing the words are flowing almost automatically, as if my subconscious is trying to give me messages. Almost like meditation. Being connected to the deeper self is what drives my creativity and passion for writing. Connecting through written words is more important than spoken. Words don’t always need to be spoken to be understood. Telepathic communication is far more powerful and mystical. Sending out words into the universe and hoping for a response back. That gives me inspiration. Being a writer is never an easy task, always constant struggles of writer’s block and lack of motivation due to lack of inspiration. You just need to find what situations and moods inspire you the most and try to recreate them in different ways. Finding the moments where the flow of words are the the clearest. The connection between the universe and you is the strongest so you’re able to use your fantasy and creativity in the most interesting ways.
I just came came back from a Reiki session that went on for like 70 min. In the south of Stockholm there’s a place called Crea Diem which I found online in a spontaneous whim. I think my body knew that I needed this today. It was my birthday yesterday and every year has its ups and downs. All emotions were enhanced when I woke up this morning after. I always carry around a huge sorrow and melancholy in my chest which is hard to describe, and I guess I am not sure why either. Sometimes I think it’s just the combination of being a scattered Pisces with Libra moon. The struggle of the two fishes swimming in opposite directions for as long as I can remember.
The Reiki healing itself was exactly what I needed today to balance myself on these emotional days. After the session I was talking to the guy who performed the healing, and he was telling me what I should think about so I don’t get so low and all in my head with these thoughts and feelings. I didn’t need to tell him about my pain, it was visible in my heart. I should stop listening to what everyone else thinks and feels about my life and start tuning inwards and listen to what I want, because that is the hardest thing for me. I always get lost on the way of listening to other people who don’t even know the half of my inner true voice. Can you really expect anyone to ever know you completely? One thing I have noticed though is that the few people who have given me Reiki healing have always gotten to know my inner struggle and what I’m battling with constantly. It’s amazing how you can hide some things from everyone subconsciously but not at all from the ones who have practiced with the energy. He has my respect. The Reiki master. 🙏🏽
When the pain in your heart is slowly dissolving and trying to go away, it doesn’t go quietly. Tears are needed to flush away all the pain and suffering from all the accumulated years. I already feel a little lighter today.
It’s been 2 ½ weeks since we came back from India this time around. The India fever has been running high ever since I came back home, been binge-watching Hindi films during these past few weeks to try to grasp for the last few straws of India that I had left in me from the trip. Why do I feel this way these days? Am I making up for all those years when I didn’t feel that I belonged neither here or there? Am I getting more sentimental with time, more than I already am? I don’t have an answer to all these questions, all I know is that writing has been my only saviour; it helps me cope with my complicated and scattered emotions about belonging.
I just started reading the book The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and have also watched the film by Mira Nair based on the same novel. That film hit a spot in my heart and I can’t help but to cry tears of recognition and melancholy. The pain and the suffering is too close to heart. Writing these words after watching the film, aren’t written without a tear in my eyes. At least they clean the vision and hopefully I can see clearly now what I have long wanted to see. Me and who I truly am. There’s never been a need to pretend but I didn’t realise that when I was younger. You don’t have to try to fit in when you know you don’t. Being unique is what is best.
Ever since the second day of visiting Mumbai in November, I knew that I had found my missing piece of inspiration. My long lost inspiration for writing my story, my book. I found it again, in the heart of Mumbai. I could see the waves coming into the shore and we were driving by the south side of Mumbai, feeling the breeze from the opened window. My hair was getting messy in the wind, but I didn’t mind at all, I felt at peace. I knew I had found my way back, to my core. I think that’s why I have had my “identity crisis” with the endless watching of Hindi films, trying to see if I can relate to any of it. I don’t feel the need to relate anymore, I already know what was missing all along. My acceptance.
I have an account at Good Reads where I update every now and then which books I'd like to read and which books I'm currently reading. I love that platform because you can review and find books so easily and share it with your friends. What I'm not as good at is to actually read the books I enter into my Good Reads account. Either I have to buy a bunch of books, which I do every now and then, but I also have to carry them in my purse to be able to read them on the metro or tram. I have come to the conclusion that it's not working out very well for me, this way of reading. I love books and I love that they give us insights into topics or stories we never have heard before. So I would like to read a lot more from my list of "to-read" books.
I came across a free try out subscription of an app via work, which we may use for 45 days to listen to audio books. When I was younger I had made up my mind that I am not an audio books kind of person, because I didn't think I had the focus or concentration for following someone else reading it aloud for me – I had imagined that I need to read along in the text to be able to understand whatever the person is saying. I can admit that to some extent it might still be a little true, but given the right situation, mindset and also believe it or not, headphones – I don't normally have a problem with that anymore. If I use more noise-cancelling headphones and I am not distraught with other thoughts or stressed over something, it can be pretty nice to have someone else read the story aloud for you while you're walking down the streets or passing through a lot of people in the metro. It gives me a whole new dimension to the otherwise pretty boring commute through the big city, I even get to learn something new on the way to work.
It all started with podcasts actually. I started listening to a Swedish podcast which deals with philosophical questions, called "Filosofiska Rummet", it's a very reflective talk-show with very interesting guests and questions that they're discussing and sometimes able to answer in their own way. I love walking down streets listening to philosophical debates and having my own thoughts lingering on while I hear their reasoning. Or the podcast from Darren Hayes (ex. Savage Garden) with his friend Anthony Armentano discussing and analysing films they've watched during the week. "We Paid to See this" it's called, a highly recommended podcast to listen to if you're interested in finding out about which films you really should go for and which ones you can safely stay away from without missing a thing.
A light-hearted comedic spoiler free movie podcast focusing on the week's new cinema releases. Darren Hayes and Anthony Armentano spend their hard earned (or borrowed) cash to see the latest film releases and tell you what they thought. Because they don't get in for free, their opinions are honest. Honestly! May contain funny bits (they're both Groundlings trained improvisers) and strange non sequiturs (Anthony has a degree in film and Darren has an Olympic medal in rambling). Maybe some naughty words too. – iTunes
These podcasts were the ones making me take the step to listening to audio books eventually.
I don't know what happened after my mid-twenties, but I have become much more thirsty for knowledge. Every day has to teach me new things, I crave new information more than I did back in school. It's strange that it just gradually became this hobby of wanting to know more about certain topics, I actually enjoy it and I'm glad for this new found interest. I'm going to become better at reflecting those thoughts on my platform here in this blog. Sometimes it feels much better to be able to share it in writing rather than walking around with thoughts that aren't complete. It seems as though when I write sometimes I get into a flow and the thoughts just finish themselves.
Jag måste få skriva ner lite tankar som dök upp medans Jonas Hassan Khemiri nämnde en sak på TV. Om en människa är vilsen eller förlorad, och inte har så många minnen kvar, skulle det synas på en kroppsscanning? Existerar minnen endast i min hjärna eller delar man minnen på en annan dimensionen med den man skapade minnena med? Om den person man skapat minnen med, inte existerar längre, försvinner även de minnena eftersom man är ensam om de nu?
Itend to ask myself that a lot after travelling somewhere. I’m currently in the flight back to Stockholm via Frankfurt. Flying and travelling always puts me in a state of reflection. Why do we travellers always have to have more journeys planned ahead when the last one isn’t even finished? I question whether I really am travelling because I want to explore and see the world, or if I’m escaping something. I would like the answer to be simple and clear and that I’m just looking to expand my horizons, by seeing more than just what I call my home. If we (travellers) really dig deep inside ourselves I believe there might be a reason for all the searching for answers. But I still don’t know the question.
I wonder if it all comes back to soul searching activities. Everyone handles the questions differently and we all have different means to explore the answers. Some people are expressing it through art; whether it be painting, music or writing, they’re all good ways to expressing our inner core of emotions. The emotions that we don’t let anyone see or come near. My favourite way of unraveling my soul matters is to write. Writing poems, long complex outlines, blog posts and journals.
Bombay. Mumbai. Whatever you’d like to call it, this great urban city of India that Bollywood calls its home. So much diversity and so many nationalities in the same city, living under the same rules – freedom. There’s a sense of freedom in India which cannot be found elsewhere, you can do as you please, come as you go and just mind your own business – there’s no problem. Anything is do-able in India. If you have plenty of time and patience. Don’t rush it and things will fall into place – eventually.
I will be travelling down to Bombay by air from North India, and it’s amazing how you only get to half of the country in 2½ hours with flight. It’s the same distance as Stockholm to London, it’s incredible how large this country is. When we get to Bombay (which is what I still call the city most of the times despite the name change back to Mumbai) we’re checking into a hotel near the airport to freshen up and get some rest. We’ll be doing some shopping in the city the first evening in Bombay and then just take it easy because of all the travelling. The next day is planned for sightseeing and local shopping, and hopefully to meet a dear friend of mine.
I want to capture and take in the whole experience of being in Bombay for the first time. Travelling with someone who’s never been to India is also very special, you get to show what you’ve been accustomed to since childhood and also see it through their eyes. How do they look at the surroundings? What do they think of the mad traffic and driving on the “other side”? What are their first impressions when coming out of the airport? The smell, the people and the rush. Either you love it or you dislike it, that’s what I believe. Either you’ll love India and it’s randomness and the need of being present all the time, or you’ll be fed up in no time if you haven’t got the patience. If you remain open throughout the whole experience you will probably love it.
What would you think when you see the huge gaps between the rich and the poor? How do you react to the people begging openly in the streets? This is the whole experience and not just go to the tourist places and turn back to Europe after the vacation is finished. When you’re here, you need to see the whole 360 of what India has to offer you. From the 5 star hotel restaurants to the roadside dhaba’s, from the fancy and exclusive shopping malls to the local crowded markets, from a private taxi to a rickshaw or a 3-wheeler. Then you’re able to judge it with real open eyes, without judgement and without fear.