It’s been 2 ½ weeks since we came back from India this time around. The India fever has been running high ever since I came back home, been binge-watching Hindi films during these past few weeks to try to grasp for the last few straws of India that I had left in me from the trip. Why do I feel this way these days? Am I making up for all those years when I didn’t feel that I belonged neither here or there? Am I getting more sentimental with time, more than I already am? I don’t have an answer to all these questions, all I know is that writing has been my only saviour; it helps me cope with my complicated and scattered emotions about belonging.
I just started reading the book The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and have also watched the film by Mira Nair based on the same novel. That film hit a spot in my heart and I can’t help but to cry tears of recognition and melancholy. The pain and the suffering is too close to heart. Writing these words after watching the film, aren’t written without a tear in my eyes. At least they clean the vision and hopefully I can see clearly now what I have long wanted to see. Me and who I truly am. There’s never been a need to pretend but I didn’t realise that when I was younger. You don’t have to try to fit in when you know you don’t. Being unique is what is best.
Ever since the second day of visiting Mumbai in November, I knew that I had found my missing piece of inspiration. My long lost inspiration for writing my story, my book. I found it again, in the heart of Mumbai. I could see the waves coming into the shore and we were driving by the south side of Mumbai, feeling the breeze from the opened window. My hair was getting messy in the wind, but I didn’t mind at all, I felt at peace. I knew I had found my way back, to my core. I think that’s why I have had my “identity crisis” with the endless watching of Hindi films, trying to see if I can relate to any of it. I don’t feel the need to relate anymore, I already know what was missing all along. My acceptance.
Peace and Love,
Kimmi Niroopinder Madeline
Poem: Creatures of the sea.
One thought. One dream. One soul.
You can hear my voice
Deep within my soul
Calling out your name
Swimming to the shore
As one we are together.
You can still hear me
Words are drowning in
My heart is yearning for
Peace of mind.
No matter the distance
No matter the time
We are always online
Creatures of the sea.
It’s been 10 years and this song is still very dear to me. Above and Beyond – Can’t Sleep. It has a depth to it that is hard to explain, it’s not a normal radio trance song that is lacking soul and emotion. The melody, the transition and the lyrics – all melt together to an amazing and beautiful track. If you haven’t heard it, or don’t listen to trance, which I don’t do much anymore, still, give it a try – it’s worth it. Some of the lyrics are posted below together with a link to the track on Youtube.
Peace and Love,
Four thirty A.M, I’m awake again
Singing to the dark through open eyes
While dreaming I see only you and me
Stuck between desire and compromise
If I said I want you back I’d be a liar
There’s nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can’t help reaching out for more
And I can’t sleep… You’re so far away from me
You’re leaving me scars scattered in my heart
A road map of all the places you have been
And I can’t escape, can’t wash this away
Love has burned your mark so deep within
“I’ve got tears in my eyes and I’m letting them drown in my eyes. I can’t let them out ’cause they will destroy me.”
My heart is pounding hard
Hands are reaching out for more
It’s never been so difficult
To breathe in this familiar air
I’ve been gone for too long
This place is no longer mine
My memory is failing me
Falling deeper and deeper
Into this well of clouds
Wandering about endlessly
Always looking for something
To capture my heart
Always looking for a hit
To preserve my sanity
Walking amongst the bouncy clouds
The endless clear blue sky
Tip toeing through it all
The only thing driving me is,
Salty tears falling from above
Peace and Love,
I was seeking this thing called Freedom
I walked for miles for this Purpose
I stumbled and I fell, all in vain
All I needed was
Right within me
Days has passed, years have gone
My mind is filled with tormented memories
Scratching and bleeding
Drops of blood from my Soul
Left it broken and torn
Dreams have been haunting me
They will never escape this space
Where you and I could have been
Just leave me alone.
Just heard the captain in the flight say “wish you a pleasant evening wherever you go next” and it sounded so nice. Wherever you will go next in life kind of. We’re always on our way to places and on the move, that’s what I’ve felt like the past few years when I look back. I always look back to my past and into my future and all kinds of thoughts pop into my head when I take a flight somewhere. It’s amazing how such a small thing seems to affect me so much and puts me in a reflective state of mind. Always. I even have specific special songs that I’ve downloaded from Spotify to my phone so I don’t have any trouble listening to them in my flight in case they wouldn’t have Wi-Fi. Those songs are usually the ones putting me into that state of mind but they’re also a bit melancholic in tune. I guess that’s what I prefer listening to when thinking over things. I like the feeling of sadness and how it makes you appreciate things. Music is truly powerful and it can make you want to remember what the song means to you and what memories it brings up to the surface that might have been hidden for years. While other songs are meant to just make you forget the moment right now and fly into another world where everything is just the way you want it to be – free.
I will share one of the songs I listen to in airplanes. What’s your airplane music?
Peace and love,