I have returned back home from the trip to India. It has been a long journey both mentally and physically for me. I have a lot of things to reflect on after this journey so I can come to peace with my thoughts that were in chaos while I was there. It is very hard to keep the mind focused when in a country like India, where everything happens simultaneously and the noises are high from the people and the traffic. There is barely any room to think a quiet thought.
While we travelled in car from Delhi to Agra, Agra to Jaipur and Jaipur to Delhi, those were my moments when I could listen to my iPod and just let my mind wander. Think about everything new I was observing and try to reflect on how life in India must be for people I saw outside of my window. How different things are on the other side of the world from where I grew up.
Last time, 10 years ago, I just followed whatever we did or didn’t do while being there. This time I knew it would be more special, since I’m grown up and can perceive the world from different eyes today.
I’ve changed in just three weeks. Grown. Things are not the same anymore, for me.
We all grow and change every day, but while travelling and while reflecting and philosophising meanwhile, I believe we grow even faster, mentally. This was a journey that was the key to understanding and accepting my heritage. It’s one of those journeys that people who have been brought up in two cultures would understand the meaning of. It’s very important to remember who you are, and where you are from. That is what creates a good base for the future. I believe that this journey was exactly what I needed to understand India and Indian people more. I’m grateful.
India is like a different world in itself. Everyone do as they please and create their own rules as they move along. Traffic can be chaotic but it looks as if they have it under control. I just look like a lost person trying to get across the street when I’ve been thinking the opposite. I look around me and I see people who believe. They believe in their life, they believe in God, they have faith that things get better.
It’s very different for me to visit India since it isn’t at all alike what I’ve grown up with. Am I the one who is spoiled or do we just have to wait a few generations for India to catch up with the west? What is the best? To have it all but forget how to appreciate it? Or is it to embrace all good in life and give back to society in any way you can. Try to be someone who wants a change in this world. I want a world which is free from poverty. I want people to share their love and resources in a better way. I still believe…too.
Sitting and listening to my ipod while everyone else are sleeping in the car. While we visited a fort on the way to Jaipur the guide told us that it was 48 degrees. I can’t believe how people can live in this type of sauna heat.
While we travel by car sometimes I see beggars on the roads when in small towns we pass. I can’t help but to feel that I want to save them all from this. But of course I can’t. I feel sad that so large part of my home country lives in poverty. Just because the higher class has it good it seems like they neglect the less fortunate. It’s the higher classes that are able to enjoy themselves in this country. Because it takes a lot to get good standard on things around here.
We’re living in four to five star hotels here. So far tried two in Delhi and Agra. It’s very clean and properly maintained. They provide excellent service at these hotels. In Agra we stayed in a more traditional hotel (Grand Imperial) but it was the nicest so far. There was a beautiful swimming pool there that would have been so nice to try out in this heat but I forgot my bikini back home in Sweden. Not the easiest thing to find stuff to buy the first days here.
We walked around in Delhi a bit the first day and I felt that the traffic is so crazy and chaotic. Very hard to pass a street if there are places without traffic lights, I ran to avoid being hit by something. I got a bit panicked there for a few, but people seem to be able to get around here without problem so I guess it has to do with practice.
In some ways I blend in the crowd but most of the times people stare at me here because they can probably tell the difference. Especially the guys… No need to get me started on that topic. Needs a totally separate post for that.
It’s a cold spring day of April and the sky is cloud-free and blue, birds are singing and it’s pretty calm inside me. I am not rushing to work, nor am I rushing to meet up with anyone. Today is the day, when I get back to writing, when I find that inner peace that I have been looking for so long to be able to write again. So this blog today at this moment is a sign for me to continue on my writing journey, and I’m not referring to the blog, but to write in my book again. Writing a novel is not an easy task, hence I have been going back and forth with these ideas I have for some years now. When contemplating over the topic and my story, I still conclude that it is very relevant for me to still write my story for others to read. That journey is starting today.
I have had to make some hard decisions regarding this book, but I have finally come to decide what language I will write in. My native language is Swedish and I love English. All my poems are always written in English and that’s what I feel comfortable with. It is also a very international language which means that I can reach out to so many more that can read what I have to say. I can’t share too much about what it would be about, but I guess you’ll have to stick around to see what I have in store. It’s a deep and long journey into my darker and more vulnerable self; which is why I can’t share more than I feel is right.
Another decision I’ve taken is that it will be written in thoughts-form, from one person’s perspective. It has a lot to do with cultural differences and what a young girl has to struggle with when caught between two world’s. One is modern and independent, but yet very lonely. The other is strict and suffocating but also a very narrow world. It’s a very deep journey to take on while writing this book, which is why I have been waiting until now to write it. I believe I am strong enough to deal with it now, and it will make me stronger while writing. I have always felt that writing makes me feel stronger, whether I write poems to reflect what I feel or if I write in my personal diary about thoughts I think.
So today I’m embracing the day when I will start this journey. I will keep this blog updated on my progress without sharing too many details about what I write, since that is a surprise. 🙂
I was looking through old notes and found that the song The Power of Goodbye by Madonna was a key for me when I decided to let go of the past and move on towards being more free, and be myself.
“Freedom comes when you learn to let go,
Creation comes when you learn to say no”
Today after work, all I have been doing is looking at blogs that has to do with cakes and how to make your own cakes. they look so delicious and yummy. I think I’ve always been interested in those things, cos once up on a time I wanted to work with baking pastries and cakes. I gave up the idea when I started having more and more allergies against wheat flour and eggs; the most useful ingredients when it comes to cooking and baking.
So the reason for looking at these blogs and photos is because I want to have a cake for my birthday party. I have been to different bakeries and asked for the cakes they make to try to get an image of what my options would be to buy one fresh the day I have the party. After some research, I have decided to once again, make the cake myself. But this time, the skill degree will be taken one step higher from last time. It needs to be something that looks like someone has made an effort. Last time it took me quite some hours to make the cake perfect, it was a raspberry cake with cream topping. A very common Swedish summer cake; it’s very traditional.
The idea for the one I have in mind this year is a normal sponge cake bottom in three layers. First bottom layer would have vanilla cream, second layer would have some sort of raspberry/blueberry mousse. On the top I would cover it with cream that has small pieces of chocolate inside. It would then be covered in a dark coloured sugar paste to get that gothic mood. I love gothic styles so I want the cake to represent a little it of my personality since it is after all my birthday. 🙂
Trying to figure out what to decorate it with, either like a gift wrap with ribbons and roses and similar stuff, or some sort of draping on the sides… more on this later.
Ever thought about when you’re just starting to get to know a person you like, you usually want to know everything about him or her and can’t wait to talk more to that person. Day and night can pass but you still just long to talk to them. When does the time come when you stop being interested in knowing more about this particular someone? If you still don’t get tired of knowing more about this person, is he or she a person that is very connected to you in some higher way? Does this connection automatically make the two of you always interested in each other? Is this connection just another word for soul mates? What if soul mates is just someone that you can be yourself with and always find more interesting things to learn from and about, even though it is that person’s flaws. When flaws become something you start appreciating to know about this person and it feels as though it doesn’t matter whether he is right or wrong in moments, is that love? I still do wonder, is it love even though it’s only one way?
Does he or she feel when I am sad, or do they miss my presence when I’m gone, I hope to find out.
“If all the world was perfect,
I would only ever want to see your scars…”
“And if all the world was smiling
I would only ever want to see your frown…”
– So Beautiful by Darren Hayes
I have been contemplating back and forth whether to create a blog or not. Here I am, the blog finally won over me, and I am going to start blogging from now on. Since I have a real passion for writing in general, I figured that it is the right thing to do in this stage of my life.
I have almost finished my bachelor’s degree in Software Engineering and Management and I have a job starting in August, so every aspect of my life is completely new to me. At the age of 22 a new journey of my life begins. I remember being 18 and thinking just the same thoughts, a new journey started when I entered IT University and now it has all passed by so quickly.
Before I start my new journey I will relax and enjoy the summer with my friend in Bucharest, Romania. At least I will get some warm weather down there, unlike what it has been in Sweden lately. Rain and cloudy weather is not what I imagined for summer 2011. So bring it on, my second trip of the year.
In May earlier this year I had the chance to go to Berlin for the second time in my life, together with the company me and my project group were writing a bachelor thesis for, and that was just tons of fun and just relaxing. Being able to take a nice mojito drink in the sun lying on a relaxing chair on a “beachbar” after taking a nice and long walk-tour of the city, that was just bliss. I will totally miss the company I worked for during my thesis, they were all very friendly and nice.
When travelling I enjoy just breathing in the vibes of the city by doing the same sort of activites that one would normally do; eat at a nice restaurant and drink some wine sitting outside in a nice bar, have a coffee (‘fika’) with some friends, and just roam the city like it’s your own home. If you get lost, then it’s just part of that adventure and excitement. I don’t like too much planning and every breathing second needs to be planned sometimes, where is the relaxation and enjoyment if you can’t sit down for a while and just be you – in an entirely different place and timezone. I could travel alone just to be able to sit down at a café by myself to take a nice cup of coffee and write in my book or some poems and watch the people pass by. That is – living in the moment – to be in the present – to enjoy it.