Poem: Bittersweet Love Story

Poem from: 2012-02-05

The heart is breathing again
My lungs are pumping again
I can sense a scent of joy
When your face is in the reach
Filling me; piece by piece
Reminding me; day by day
How loving it is
to have you near
A touch of love
is all so dear

Warm tingling feeling
It’s taking over me
Beats synchronize
to the harmony
of love and peace
They tune in for
Days to come
Nights to feel
A bittersweet love story

-Kimmi Madeline

Instagram: kimmimadelinepoetry

Poem: Lost in Void

Poem from: 2011-10-02

Spread the pain out in the darkness
I cannot see the steps I take
Stumble and fall in to a black hole
It doesn’t matter how far I go
You made me lose my direction
Lost in your mesmerizing love
Gave me nothing but tears and pain

This life is spent wandering around
I cannot help but to stop and think
Put an end to it and jump to hell
It doesn’t matter how far I go
I have lost my path in life
Lost my way long time ago
In tears and pain from within

Now there is only one way out
Burning the feeling of love for you
Tear apart the vein to my heart
that beats for you
It doesn’t matter how far I go
I’ve entered void and keep falling
Deeper in to this sleep
Where no longer love exists

-Kimmi Madeline

Poem: Nothing Left to Give

Poem from: 2011-06-23

I have poured out everything I’ve got
I have nothing left to give
There is no more life to live
Through these endless moments
I stumble and fall
Deeper and deeper
Into this ocean of hell

Slice open my heart
Grab the stone of pain
Throw it out to rot
Empty space is what is left
Void is to be found
Never feel pain again

Drowning in your tears
From your cold eyes
I will never know
If what you feel
Is something real,
So say goodbye
To this soul
Forget the past
Just let it go

Poem: Floating Deeper

Poem from 2011-05-24

Moments of deception,
Fill the void of tomorrow,
Last night was just a dream,
Today is another day of hope,
Trembling towards a glimpse of joy

When our eyes meet
I can see your soul
you are such a mystery
cannot resist it, it’s dragging me in,
You’re undressing me, without a touch

Deeper we float in the ocean of love,
What is you and what is me?
Can’t control this much longer
You have unlocked my hidden truth
from a life spent without you

While you are digging in so deep
The sound of my heart is echoing
emotions are becoming so fervent
cannot hide them any longer
breathing in and breathing out
to the sound of your beating heart

Late night scribbles

Water is my magic element

Flowing back and forth between waves

Catching air between my heavy breaths

Connecting through these open hazel eyes

Beaming light coming through from the other side

Telepathic sonic waves

Travelling through the ocean

Where fishes swim in different directions

Will they ever find the way?

Journaling | Writing down thoughts and emotions

10 year journaling anniversary.

I love to write down my thoughts and feelings. I can’t remember for how long I’ve actually been doing this thing we call journaling but I’m very greatful for it. Some people draw to get their emotions out on paper, and some write, while others might actually talk out loud with someone to get some perspective on what’s going on inside of us. I prefer to write and usually won’t let anyone see what I’ve written, because it’s thoughts and emotions that usually have been buried inside for a long time and only dare to come out in the presence of my own soul. Quietly and emotionally.

While I was looking through my hard discs and old PC stuff I found old files where I wrote down thoughts and used as a sort of diary. It’s always difficult to look back in old files and read what has been written from an older self, although I am very grateful to be able to do that. It allows for some time of reflection on your current life and where you’ve come in your journey, if you’re going in the right path and if you’re not, it’s usually pretty clear after a while meditating on your purpose.

This year, 2018, marks a special year for me, it’s been exactly 10 years since I started to journal in the computer and digitally. During this time I have of course used a lot of notepads as well, but I usually come back to my Google Docs documents where year after year is stored. Some year files contain more than 25 000 words and I am amazed of the amount of text I’ve actually been able to write over the course of a year. Other year files are much smaller, for example around 5000 words. Those years are usually very busy and emotionally draining, which obviously makes me take a step backwards and don’t get my thoughts out on paper. It can take a while to work through what you’ve been going through sometimes to be able to be creative with it and actually want to put it on paper.

My poems and writing poetry is the same approach, I usually need some distance to my feelings to be able to immerse into my deeper thoughts and emotions.

One of the best ways to help me with my inner life, although somewhat expensive, is to travel the world. One destination at a time. It doesn’t even matter how far you go, or you stay at fancy places, for me the important part is just the journey. It really helps me escape the daily routine and break free from detrimental thought patterns and start fresh, in another place, totally disconnected from the rest of my life.

How do you sort out your thoughts and help you to reflect on your life? Which are the different ways for you to work through your thoughts?

Peace and Love,
Kimmi Madeline

Journaling

Mumbai Dreams…

It’s been 2 ½ weeks since we came back from India this time around. The India fever has been running high ever since I came back home, been binge-watching Hindi films during these past few weeks to try to grasp for the last few straws of India that I had left in me from the trip. Why do I feel this way these days? Am I making up for all those years when I didn’t feel that I belonged neither here or there? Am I getting more sentimental with time, more than I already am? I don’t have an answer to all these questions, all I know is that writing has been my only saviour; it helps me cope with my complicated and scattered emotions about belonging.

I just started reading the book The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and have also watched the film by Mira Nair based on the same novel. That film hit a spot in my heart and I can’t help but to cry tears of recognition and melancholy. The pain and the suffering is too close to heart. Writing these words after watching the film, aren’t written without a tear in my eyes. At least they clean the vision and hopefully I can see clearly now what I have long wanted to see. Me and who I truly am. There’s never been a need to pretend but I didn’t realise that when I was younger. You don’t have to try to fit in when you know you don’t. Being unique is what is best.

Ever since the second day of visiting Mumbai in November, I knew that I had found my missing piece of inspiration. My long lost inspiration for writing my story, my book. I found it again, in the heart of Mumbai. I could see the waves coming into the shore and we were driving by the south side of Mumbai, feeling the breeze from the opened window. My hair was getting messy in the wind, but I didn’t mind at all, I felt at peace. I knew I had found my way back, to my core. I think that’s why I have had my “identity crisis” with the endless watching of Hindi films, trying to see if I can relate to any of it. I don’t feel the need to relate anymore, I already know what was missing all along. My acceptance.

Peace and Love,
Kimmi Niroopinder Madeline

Poem: Creatures of the sea.

Poem: Creatures of the sea.

fishes in the sea

One thought. One dream. One soul.
You can hear my voice
Deep within my soul
Calling out your name
Swimming to the shore
As one we are together.

Oceans apart,
You can still hear me
Words are drowning in
Telepathic waves,
My heart is yearning for
Peace of mind.

Connecting spirits
No matter the distance
No matter the time
We are always online
Truly divine
Creatures of the sea.

my missing puzzle piece.

India, it’s been a while since I told you what I really feel. It’s not like I didn’t care or forgot about you, but I guess I hadn’t found my way home. In my heart. And my aching soul.

While growing up I lost a piece of me here and I couldn’t find it for over a decade. I was always looking to find my way back to that part of me. It was disconnected for so long. I almost forgot. I almost lost you. Disconnected.

I never understood the lump in my throat. Hidden emotions stacked under the surface. Ready to burst at any moment. Triggered by the invisible pain. Deep down in my soul.

A ray of infinite light has enlightened me now. I can see you clearly now. You were always there for me. Right in front of me. Day or night. Dark or light.

It was here all along. My forgotten puzzle piece. It was so hard to find. I didn’t forget about you. I was just lost. But you, still accept me for who I am. For that I am grateful. For that I am proud. Proud to call you my home.

Memories – Known or Forgotten

Jag måste få skriva ner lite tankar som dök upp medans Jonas Hassan Khemiri nämnde en sak på TV. Om en människa är vilsen eller förlorad, och inte har så många minnen kvar, skulle det synas på en kroppsscanning? Existerar minnen endast i min hjärna eller delar man minnen på en annan dimensionen med den man skapade minnena med? Om den person man skapat minnen med, inte existerar längre, försvinner även de minnena eftersom man är ensam om de nu?

/ Kimmi Madeline