I was seeking this thing called Freedom
I walked for miles for this Purpose
I stumbled and I fell, all in vain
All I needed was
Right within me
Days has passed, years have gone
My mind is filled with tormented memories
Scratching and bleeding
Drops of blood from my Soul
Left it broken and torn
Dreams have been haunting me
They will never escape this space
Where you and I could have been
Just leave me alone.
When the roots are too strong they can strangle you
When you don’t have any roots, you feel the void inside you.
I recently found my old blog where I used to upload all my poems since I was a teenager. It was such an amazing feeling to read through the poems and seeing when I had written them, and to see comments people had made when they appreciated the poem or if they found it touching. While I was reading through the poems I got this amazing idea, and that is to take some of them and read them aloud in my YouTube channel. Reading poems with some classical music in the background, just pure and raw.
I have so many ideas of how I can make it creative, I just hope I can get hold of a good editing tool for my videos so I can achieve my vision for them. Up until now all I have been using is the normal Microsoft Movie Maker that you usually have in your PC. It doesn’t do any advanced things other than put sound and music to your clips, and cutting the video into smaller chunks.
I will keep you guys posted on my first post of my Spoken Word poetry on YouTube. Meanwhile you can find all my poems on this link: http://dark2haze.blogspot.se/
I am working on a way to easily get them posted on this blog in another separate section so they’re more connected with my other content.
Peace and Love,
When I get older, year by year, I am afraid that I am slowly but surely losing my innocence. The kind of innocence we all have when we just believe how things are always working out for the best. I am afraid at times that some sort of cynical or bitter side, would take over and take away my innocence. I find that it’s important to stay true and always remind ourselves how we have once felt, to be able to stay youthful in our minds. It’s not about being naive – it’s about thinking everything is possible and staying positive. Innocence is blissful. The feeling of having the world in your hands and not be afraid to take a step towards it each day. Not be afraid of everything that is coming directly from your heart. You need to stay in contact with your soul and your heart’s desire. That’s how you can keep your innocence in the most purest way.
Return to Innocence. Enigma.
Peace and Love,
Everyday is a chaotic day in my head.
I have forgotten how to write the pain away.
Some days are more floating than others.
The memories float together in my mind,
condense into the sky where they fall down like rain.
Scattered. In pieces.
I actually like this feeling.
It’s a bittersweet and creative sensation.
You just need to embrace it.
Make the most of it. Be present in it.
Days pass, years go by.
The memories still remain…
They never fade away.
Peace and Love,
Dedicating this poem to my dear grandfather (papaji), who just recently passed away.
Saying goodbye in my dreams
Your time had come to an end
It was time to leave this all behind
Moving on to another world
Find peace and calmness within you
There’s no more pain to be felt
No more hard days to come
No more unkind nights to live through
Only tears left behind
Of all those who held you so close
We will always cherish the memories
Remember you with joy and laughter
The tears and pain will have to take its course
Love is endless, beyond this life on Earth
We’ll meet on the other side
Where there is endless light
Today is the first day since my move that I felt a little lonely even though I was amongst people. I have never been the type that would rely my whole life on someone or some people to entertain me or to hang out with. But today I felt like this new city life, the tough parts of it, are catching up on me. To have some own friends to just call up and go out with, to go downtown shopping with someone who just happened to be nearby.. all those things. I do have some friends in this town to start with but you need to build a network slowly and that’s what bothered me today, that I don’t have that starting point that people usually do when they’ve lived in a city all their lives. I need to work out how to get a little more acquainted with the city so I can find myself around a lot easier and to meet new people that I can call my friends.
I went to a café today to write in my book. Anyone who writes knows what a struggle it is to keep that spirit going and to keep on writing even the days when you feel like it’s not giving the results you want. I love the topic I’m writing about and it gives me strength and hope in my everyday life; so I love the process when I’m actually in the process and writing. It’s all about getting in the process in the first place, to sit down and start writing those few first words that get you into a flow. The flow is all you’re looking for, but that’s usually what hinders you as well. What if you can’t find the words, what if it doesn’t become as you want it to, etc.. That’s just your mind putting doubts in you. I believe it’s all about getting those moments for yourself and write from your heart, then all the words you want to write that particular day, they will come to you, the flow will come to you.
I’m going to be updating you all about my writing soon in another blog post, some more details about what I’m writing about. If you’re interested to find out a little bit, there’s a post further down that explains a little bit on a higher level what topics it covers.
Peace and Love,
I write when I feel good about my life. I write when things are not the way they’re suppose to be. I write when I’m sad to straight out my emotions when no one else but my inner voice seem to be able to help. Writing is my passion. Without writing I feel lost without the words that need to be written.I feel whole when I’ve accomplished a piece of writing that is fulfilling. Writing defines me more for each day that goes by. Writing expresses my feelings for people. Feelings I can’t express tares open my heart and it bleeds out in words.
Writing is beautiful. Writing is an art. Writing is freedom.
What do you write?
Peace and Love,
I’m going to share a little piece of what my book is going to cover. This is something that I’ve been thinking about for the last few years and it’s a very personal topic, and I’ve been very unsure over those years whether or not to share it with the world.
The topic is: arranged relationships (or marriages) vs. love relationships and related stories. It’s going to be a very personal book, very close to my heart and it’s going to be about cultural differences between western and a mixed Indian culture.
I don’t personally have any experience in having to be in an arranged relationship (thank God!) but I am very interested in the subject and how it’s still a problem for some young people to get out of (if they wanted to). They are usually expected to follow the family traditions and they therefore agree to go through with it to avoid bringing family shame or damage the family honour.
Why would there be family shame if they choose their own partner? Why shouldn’t we be able to love whoever we want and choose to spend the life with that person be enough to please the family? Those are some very difficult questions to answer but I’m very eager to dig deeper into the whole concept and find out more about the pros and cons of such an arrangement. Isn’t the individual happiness what should be in focus, since we’re the only ones who are going to live our own life?
Another interesting observation is how girls and boys are treated differently and the expectations and pressure are also very diverse depending on if you’re a boy or a girl. A boy might be able to date more openly before a marriage in some families, while girls should not even talk to a boy before she gets married. I know I might take the most extreme examples, but they do exist, unfortunately.
From a Western perspective I have a hard time accepting or believing that one would ever want to marry a stranger and build a family with them, but somehow it’s not hard to accept for true followers of this tradition or culture.
What is interesting to know about Indian culture is that it’s very intertwined with religion; so there is really a fine line between the two. One can be non-religious but still follow all traditions and celebrate religious holidays, just because it’s natural to them. I compare it with celebrating Christmas for example, not many people in Sweden are religious but we still celebrate Christmas here. It’s fun to receive gifts and have the whole family gathered – but it’s more for the social aspect than it’s ever going to be religious. At least here in Sweden, which isn’t a very religious country.
I guess growing up in a very nonreligious country together with having a family which is Indian and having that Indian culture with me has made me question many things while growing up. These are just a very few of my thoughts that have triggered my need to write my story, as raw as it might be, because I believe that it’s necessary to shed some light on these topics in today’s modern society where we might think that everyone has a free will. At least here – in the West.
This year has been amazing. Year 2012. The first complete year I have worked at HP – at my first real job. It’s been a great journey and experience so far and it will continue into 2013.
I have travelled to some places in the world – as I try to do each year. This year I’ve been to beautiful Vienna, amazing Budapest and incredible India and I started year 2012 in Copenhagen. I wonder which adventures 2013 will take me on. Some places/countries on my list would be: Stockholm, South of Europe, South India (Mumbai, Goa, Kerala e.g.)… and the list goes on. Most of these journeys that are nearby Sweden would have to be done over weekends due to my job, but that’s okay. An extended weekend is always a nice way to get away from work and stress, a good way of relaxing (unless you plan to tourist around hectically for two days).
The trip to India was the most amazing thing during the year – something I’ve wanted to do since I last went there 10 years ago. I promise myself that it won’t be as seldom as every 10 years from now on. I really started to connect with my roots this time and I really believe that the more I go now that I’m an adult the more I will feel comfortable there. It’s hard to imagine the future when I might have to go without family and rely on my own judgement when it comes to India – it’s such a large country and so much to learn – it’s just mesmerising.
I have started my writing journey for real this year, I have made a lot of research for my book writing process and I have jotted down many ideas for it. Looking forward to 2013 when I will focus a lot on my writing and reading inspiring books.
I’ve met some inspiring people through work and that has made my job more fun in the office – it’s just too bad to see them go when projects end. That’s when I think about the fact that the world is so large and the friends feel further and further away from me – all spread out in the world. I suppose that’s when we all should be thankful for technology and IT – to be able to connect worldwide with people we want to stay in touch with. But still, it’s not the same as sitting opposite to someone and have a real conversation – that’s precious.
Happy new year, everyone! 🙂 Hope 2013 brings you a lot of joy, good health and insight. I intend to make it a great one!