Kimmi Madeline

Temporary Guests of my Life | Blog

Dealing with Depression

Inspiration: 2010 12 19 – video footage of talking to myself, suicidal thoughts.

No one can tell you how you feel. They're not inside your mind and know your thoughts. You, and only you know your truth. Always.

I found a video footage of me talking in a vlog to myself in 2010 12 19 about being severely depressed. I talked about the fact that I seriously needed to seek help for it or talk to someone. People think it's always so easy to just reach out and tell people that you're depressed, but truth me told, from own experience, it's hard to even tell yourself to start with. You just starting to feel low about everything around you, nothing feels as fun as it used to be anymore. When you get too deep that's when you really need a hand, but it might already be consuming you from the inside – which was what was happening to me on 19th of December of 2010. It had happened to me in the past, it wasn't the first time I felt this bad so in a way I thought it would pass. You can't just shrug it off, it affects every single aspect of your life. It's not always caused by a specific reason, which many people seem to think.
The video I found was on my real old hard drive that I found today. It was very difficult watching the whole 10 minute long video, because I could see the hopelessness in my eyes and my voice. I wanted to just tell her that things will get better, and that I should brace myself for more of these moments to come, but I would be able to handle them better over time. I feel that there shouldn't be so much taboo regarding these mental illnesses, people wouldn't be as afraid of admitting it to themselves at first or let alone tell someone about it.
For me it's always been my biggest and darkest place inside me that always finds me when I least expect it. Happiness has nothing to do with it. Depression can still consume you. Happy or sad.

 

Memories – Known or Forgotten

Jag måste få skriva ner lite tankar som dök upp medans Jonas Hassan Khemiri nämnde en sak på TV. Om en människa är vilsen eller förlorad, och inte har så många minnen kvar, skulle det synas på en kroppsscanning? Existerar minnen endast i min hjärna eller delar man minnen på en annan dimensionen med den man skapade minnena med? Om den person man skapat minnen med, inte existerar längre, försvinner även de minnena eftersom man är ensam om de nu?

/ Kimmi Madeline

Poem from late 2014

The inner calm is so fragile and becomes easily unsteady

When the storm hits your heart you embrace the vibes

Closing my eyes to find myself in a different world

Quiet, peaceful and reminiscent of a road to light my way

The road to creative abundance is my fulfillment in life

A moment just like in heaven is how I want to be with you.

 

Floating barely under the surface of your love

I’ve been overwhelmed by your generous affection

My inner wound of pain is slowly healing with your touch

I just need a glass filled with your love to carry on

Your light brightens the shadows behind my eyes

The gloomy shadows are slowly diminishing from my soul

Your warmth embrace ensured me security when being lost

Your love was the medicine I needed, only love

 

I was running away for so long

There was so much pain to hide

Every soul I met could only see my shell

I was wearing a mask that was dying inside

Became foggy and overheated at times

Ran for so long I forgot how to be free

Forgot how to breathe from within

Telling the world the truth wasn’t the answer

The mask would break into pieces

Would never be who I used to be anymore

I would have to be the truth – and be myself

Own my truth

Open and honest. Totally raw.

Chana Dal | Vegetarian Indian Soup | Recipe

Chana Dal 

RECIPE

Ingredients

2-3 Small Onions
6-7 Garlic Cloves
2 cm / 1 inch of Ginger
3 ½ – 4dl of dry Chana Dal
1 Package of Crushed Tomatoes (390g)
1 tbsp Tomato Paste
1 can of Coconut Milk
1 Organic Vegetable Stock (equivalent of 0.5l liquid stock)
2 tbsp Olive Oil
1 tsp Turmeric
1 tsp jeera
1 tbsp Coriander Powder
Chili powder (as much as you’d prefer)
½ tsp hing or asafoetida powder
1 tsp fenugreek seeds
salt to taste

HOW TO

These are all the ingredients for the chana dal. Start off by putting the dry chana dal in water to soak for 1 to 1½ hour.

Ingredients for Chana daal

Ingredients for Chana Daal

Extra virgin Olive Oil

Extra virgin Olive Oil

Meanwhile the chana dal are soaking in water, I chop up the onions, garlic and ginger together in a mixer.
I use this method because I find it easier and quicker, but you can of course chop them up by hand and also add them one by one in the frying pan.

 

Onion, Garlic and Ginger

Onion, Garlic and Ginger

 

After the chana dal have soaked in water I bring 2 litres of water to a boil with 1 tsp of turmeric,
1 piece of vegetable stock and salt, in which I add the lentils to boil for around 35-40 minutes on medium heat.
While the lentils are boiling we’re going to create the masala which will later go into the boiling lentils.

 

Boiling Chana lentils

 

To make the masala, you start by adding your choice of vegetable oil (I use olive oil). When the oil is warm enough
you can pour in the jeera seeds so they start splutter.

 

Olive oil and jeera

 

Then you add the onion mixture to the oil and fry it on medium heat for about 5 minutes before adding spices.

 

Chopped onion, garlic and ginger mix

 

The spices we add are visible in the image below. I use this Indian tray of spices to store my spices,
and it’s a very convenient way to keep them fresh and to only fill them up when they’re finished.
If you’re interested in buying a similar, I’ve found great ones over at Ebay.

 

Indian spice mix

 

So we’ll add the coriander powder, turmeric, chili and jeera powder. Mix it together with the onion mixture
and let it fry for another two-three minutes.

 

Chopped onions

 

Afterwards, you’ll add the hing powder. This is optional, if you don’t have hing at home, you can skip this step.

 

Chopped onions

 

Continue with adding the tomato paste to the masala mixture, and blend well.

 

Chopped onions with tomato puré

 

Also, we have added the crushed tomatoes to the masala and we’ll let it cook for another 5 minutes before
it’s ready to be poured into the chana dal.

 

Chopped onions with tomatoes

 

When the 35-40 minutes of boiling the chana dal have passed and the lentils feel a bit more soft, you can go ahead
and add the masala to the boiling chana dal. Keep the heat at medium-low and let it simmer so that it blends well.

 

Chana dal with masala mix

 

In addition, we add the kasori methi, also called as fenugreek seeds in English. If you don’t have this at home,
you may skip this step.

 

Fenugreek seeds in chana dal

 

Optional: I added a piece of butter to my chana dal at this stage. If you want to keep it vegan, you don’t have
to add the butter.

 

Butter in chana dal

 

To make the chana Dal a bit more creamier, I add one can of coconut milk and you can see the colour change
to a more creamy yellow (image below).

 

Coconut milk in chana dal

 

The final step is to add some freshly chopped coriander/cilantro and turn off the heat.

 

Coriander in Chana dal

 

Voilá! Here we have the final result (below). I like to serve it with a small click of butter in my bowl and
eat a nice home baked bread or chapati/roti to go with the dal.

 

Home cooked Chana Dal

Chana Dal with freshly baked bread

 

Hope you enjoy this recipe and let me know if you’ve tried it out yourself. If you have any of your own suggestions,
please leave them in the comments so others can benefit from your tips and tricks. Check out my Youtube channel to see more recipes in the future and be sure to hit the subscribe button if you want to stay in touch.
I post images of all kinds of food related things on my Instagram, either out in restaurants or homemade food – be sure to check it out if you’re interested in giving me a follow.

Peace and Love,
Kimmi Madeline

About me

What am I escaping from?

I tend to ask myself that a lot after travelling somewhere. I’m currently in the flight back to Stockholm via Frankfurt. Flying and travelling always puts me in a state of reflection. Why do we travellers always have to have more journeys planned ahead when the last one isn’t even finished? I question whether I really am travelling because I want to explore and see the world, or if I’m escaping something. I would like the answer to be simple and clear and that I’m just looking to expand my horizons, by seeing more than just what I call my home. If we (travellers) really dig deep inside ourselves I believe there might be a reason for all the searching for answers. But I still don’t know the question. 

I wonder if it all comes back to soul searching activities. Everyone handles the questions differently and we all have different means to explore the answers. Some people are expressing it through art; whether it be painting, music or writing, they’re all good ways to expressing our inner core of emotions. The emotions that we don’t let anyone see or come near. My favourite way of unraveling my soul matters is to write. Writing poems, long complex outlines, blog posts and journals.

Vienna / Wien | Travel Photos

Wien. Vienna. Austria. Österrike. Such an underestimated city that has so much to offer to a traveller. I have been here since last Friday and I love the vibe of the country. At this moment I’m sipping on the last moments of being in this town, since we’re going back in 2 days. I’ve got some pictures to share with you all that shows some of my best captures of this journey. 

I’ve got no more travel plans set in stone currently although I have some ideas of the next visits. The US, California. Roadtrip in Europe. Rome. Berlin once again, since it’s been some years and I feel the need to breathe in some Berlin air quite soon. Long overdue. 

Hope you have had a great Easter holiday and enjoy looking through the pictures below and be inspired to make a trip to Vienna yourself. 

Peace and love,

Kimmi Madeline 

Picnic with Indian food 

@ Cafe Neko – visiting some cats in this adorable cat café 

@ Cafe Sacher 

@ Jonas Reindl Coffee 

London Baby! | Pictures from last Weekend

I’ll soon be uploading a short little vlog to my YouTube Channel from our last London trip 31st of March to 2nd of April. For now you can take a sneak peek at some pictures below!
Peace and Love,

 

REVIEW: Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water

I’ve got a new YouTube video up on my channel, be sure to check it out if you’re interested in a review of the new Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water. I’ve pasted the link below a list of the pros and cons.

PROS:

  • Inexpensive. Costs 50SEK in Sweden, approximately 5€ / 5£.
  • Effective. Removes makeup, dirt and excessive oil really quickly.
  • 3-in-1 product, you basically don’t need anything else – squeaky clean afterwards

CONS:

  • Not a cruelty-free brand. They sell in China and is therefore testing on animals
  • Doesn’t seem to be a very natural product, contains a lot of ingredients and chemicals

Peace and Love,

Kimmi Madeline

India Trip 2016: Goa

Goa. Candolim. Sunny endless beaches with sand dunes that feel amazing. There’s India and there’s Goa; the Indian paradise and the go-to tourist place in India. During winter-time it never gets cold, it’s a never-ending summer time in Goa. The beaches are probably like no other beach in the world; where animals such as cows and stray-dogs can wander freely and openly without anyone bothering or judging. It’s the type of beaches where everyone is welcome and that’s the beauty with it. People can bathe in bathing suit, full clothes on or even bikinis – nothing is considered strange here. I love Goa for what it is – India’s beauty. With all its flaws and wonders.

We were in Candolim, Goa for 4 nights during the end of December 2016 and it was the best time of the year to be there. The weather is always nice and sunny with a temperature that is bearable and comfortable – 34 degrees Celsius during the day and 25 during the evening. You can wear long dresses that are airy and free and just put on a cardigan when it’s evening time – I haven’t had that type of freedom in the choice of clothing in a long time. The weather in Sweden isn’t allowing that type of clothes even during summer; one must always bring a thin jacket for evening times in Scandinavia – it always requires planning. That’s something that doesn’t work in India, nevertheless in Goa, planning can be done but it won’t really last throughout the trip. Things will change from one day to another. That’s also one of the great beauties of India, you never know what is expecting around the corner – so don’t plan too much in detail. Be spontaneous and free. Be open-minded and things will resolve and open up to new possibilities themselves.

I will be posting a clip on my Youtube channel in the coming day or two where I’ve gathered some footage and images from the whole India trip. So stay tuned for that! Meanwhile, you can enjoy a few of my favourite images in the below gallery.

Enjoy! 🙂

Peace and Love,
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India Trip 2016: Food Pictures

I have gathered some pictures of different types of food we had in India throughout our trip. Everything, everywhere we went, was absolutely amazing and delicious. I don’t think I ate anything not worth it ever during the whole trip. Of course I have loads of more pictures of food, but I didn’t want it to take over the whole post so here’s a bunch of my favourites. Hope you enjoy and that you’ll be interested in making a food trip to India sometime soon!

Peace and Love,
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